The Motivational Triad
I bet you’ll agree that moms and dads often have special instincts when protecting their kids. You’ve seen those videos; the baby is about to fall off the couch, and out of nowhere, mom catches them. Or someone is zooming down a hill on a sled, and a toddler is about to get hit, but dad runs at lightning speed to swoop them up just before they get hit.
Similarly, like parents seem to have instincts to keep their kids alive, the brain also has three instincts to try to keep you alive and comfortable. These instincts are called The Motivational Triad and it worked well for our ancestors as it kept them alive.
We are wired to be motivated by these three things: avoid pain, exert the least amount of effort (make it easy), and seek pleasure. Let me break it down for you.
Your brain wants to avoid pain because it wants to keep you safe
Our ancestors dealt on the regular with things that could literally kill them – an animal attacking, the lack of food, fire, or water, and the brain was hard wired to watch out to keep them safe.
Our beautiful brain doesn’t realize that we live in 2023 where random animal attacks are rare, and food, shelter, and water are typically accessible. It still wants to avoid pain and so our brain gets scared when we talk in front of a group of people, or we go into a new situation. It thinks we might die!
Even experiencing strong or big emotions like anger, fear, uncertainty, or anxiety can be difficult if we don’t know how to navigate emotions because the brain thinks something has gone wrong and tries to convince us of this fact, even though it’s untrue!
Not understanding how to process emotions can lead us to using unhealthy coping skills, to evade those feelings, like excessive social media use, alcohol, food binging, and more. We sometimes put off doing things because of fear and fail to start a new goal or enterprise because our brain is wigging out over what “might go wrong”.
The next time you feel the need to avoid pain that comes through big emotions like fear, uncertainty, self-judgement, or shame, etc., try using these healthier coping strategies instead:
· Take a moment, focus on breathing slowly, and feel the vibrations in your body
· Name the emotion – when you name it, the emotion becomes more manageable
· Let your brain know you are safe
You can also go for a walk, talk to a friend, or have a dance party to use up some of that excess adrenaline. Try to take time for yourself while honoring and understanding the strong emotions you are feeling.
The second motivation the brain has is to move through life exerting the least amount of effort. The brain is kind of lazy and wants the path of least resistance. That is why following through with already established habits is so easy – it’s because our brain goes on autopilot. The brain’s laziness is also why it can be difficult to create new habits because it means putting in more effort than before.
Here’s a tip for creating new habits; start with just one. Instead of trying to start five new habits at once and becoming overwhelmed, start with the one you can easily incorporate into your existing routine. Once you’ve identified the one new habit you want to work on, try attaching it to an existing habit.
For example, let’s say you want to begin reading 10 minutes a day and you choose to do it right after lunch. Place your book near where you typically eat lunch, and it will remind you to read as soon as you’re done eating. You’ve attached the new habit of reading to the old habit of eating lunch. And just because you missed one day doesn’t mean you’re bad at creating new habits. It means you are human, with a human brain, and I encourage you to keep trying.
For more insights on developing habits, check out James Clears’ book, Atomic Habits.
Lastly, our brain wants to seek pleasure which can come in many forms: food, recognition, shopping, relationships, and more. Seeking pleasure is not bad, but if we do it too much, it can become addictive and toxic.
If I overeat because I love the pleasure food brings me, I will likely be overweight which can have health consequences. If I don’t want that outcome, I need to simply create awareness for myself that I have a tendency to overeat and work on managing my need for pleasure from food.
I can instead focus on pleasure derived other sources such as, visiting with friends, reading a good book, or walking outside. This shifting away from food generating pleasure allows me to not overeat and my weight-related health issues lessen or become obsolete.
As you can see the Motivational Triad tries to protect and help us while at times it hinders us. By understanding how the brain is motivated, you are now in a better position to compensate for how it works and get the outcomes you desire.
Stay tuned for my next blog post where I will tell you about The Model and how you can change your thinking about your goals to avoid being hindered by the Motivational Triad.