When Friendship Becomes Self-Kindness: How Everyday Connection Regulates Your Nervous System

Winter can be hard, especially for those that live in areas that are especially cold and experience heavy snow. It’s easy to find myself retreating from the world during this season; choosing cozy quiet time at home instead of going out with friends.

There is nothing wrong with choosing to relax at home, but we do have to be careful of becoming too reclusive. I’ve talked a lot this month about self-love and self-kindness, but you’re missing out on an important piece of self-kindness and self-care if you’re not connecting with others. 

Friendship is not a bonus, or a after-thought activity. It is a self-kindness practice. Don’t stress, I’m not telling you that you have to host a dinner party. True friendships grow more from low-pressure connection, and those activities also help with emotional regulation.

Low-effort activities like walking, venting, or laughing are crucial. When you build a relationship where you feel comfortable to share deep moments with one another it helps you to emotionally reset and fill your cup while filling someone else’s.

Holding your emotions in can be detrimental to your health or prevent you from being able to hold focus on something else. Having a friend you can trust and vent with allows you to be heard and supported, and that’s something all of us need.

There is nothing wrong with needing people. It is part of human nature to desire connection and community. This month, I recommend you ask yourself these questions to ensure you’re putting energy into people that will return the favor:

Which friendships leave me feeling more like myself afterward?

What can I do to build my “village” this year?

Leaning on others doesn’t make you weak. Building connections with others makes you stronger.